Dear Lady, I Just Wanted The Pillows

Dear Lady from whom I bought throw pillows on Marketplace:

When you couldn’t meet me because you lost your car keys and asked me to come to your house, I was happy to do so as it was nearby. But I should have taken it as a sign of… something.

Upon completing the agreed upon transaction - which should have been the end of our encounter - you held me emotionally hostage for almost 45 minutes though I overtly attempted multiple times to extricate myself.

Listen, I’m really sorry your husband Mike died 16 years ago (even though according to your sister Robbie he was a brute who would have killed you), and I feel terrible that your daughter Mikayla has a brain tumor which could kill her at any time and HER daughter Madison, 5 years old, has a disease related to black mold which could kill her at any time.

And gosh, it’s awful that your mother (just Mama) is morbidly obese and has diabetes and high blood pressure and your sister, again Robbie, also morbidly obese, broke both elbows and both wrists in a fall and now has to use a bidet to get her bottom clean so all she wears now are house dresses. At least your other sister Anna had her 6’4” tall husband Ira to help as she recovered from HER brain tumor and had to relearn to talk and walk.

It’s too much for you to bear. But it’s REALLY too much for ME to bear. I have my own stuff to deal with. And even though I’m not all that nice, I am an empath so I will carry it around. And when I think about it, I will feel bad for you. And just bad in general.

So for your next customer - and perfect stranger - rein it in lady. All I wanted was some pillows.

Best of luck in the future but please, don’t stay in touch with me, well, ever.